Jewish religious life balances set times and forms (keva) and prayer from the heart (kavanah). At B’nai Shalom, we treasure both.
Weekday, Shabbat, High Holy Day, and holiday services are our steady, indispensable framework. They give us time to be present together as our voices lift in sudden harmony, as we bring personal thoughts to the Amidah, as we feel awe before the open ark, as a sermon offers unexpected insight.
B’nai Shalom’s culture of prayer is traditional yet informal, with congregants leading many portions of the service. Men and women, as well as post-B’nei Mitzvah students, are honored with aliyot, lead davening, and chant Torah and Haftarah. Rabbi Tobin’s teaching from the bimah is interactive, and always thought-provoking, based on deep academic and Judaic knowledge.
The vibrant, complete cycle of services at B’nai Shalom testifies to our commitment to one another, and to the traditions we share.
Whatever your background or prior experience, we invite you to become part of our kehillah kedoshah, our sacred community.
The Jewish calendar helps us pause four times a year to remember the loved ones we’ve lost. We say Yizkor on Yom Kippur. And we do so on three holidays: Shemini Atzeret, the eighth day of Pesach, and the second day of Shavuot.
These moving services, enhanced by Rabbi Tobin’s deep and reflective sermons, are a poignant highlight of the B’nai Shalom experience.
You are welcome to join with us in memory and prayer.
| Tu BiShvat Tu Bish’vat, the New Year for Trees, is observed with a festive meal and seder or speaker, as we remember our ties to the land of Israel, the cycle of seasons, and our dependence on the earth. | |
| Purim
Purim is celebrated with exuberance at B’nai Shalom as we read the tale of Esther and Mordecai and their triumph over the wicked royal advisor, Haman – saving the Jews of Persia from annihilation. While merrily costumed children participate in a Family Megillah Reading in the Gruhin Sanctuary, the complete Megillat Esther is read in the Lipka Chapel. A highlight of the holiday is our annual Purim shpiel, written, directed and performed by talented members. We also pack and send Mishloah Manot, Purim baskets, to friends far and wide, in observance of one of the mitzvot associated with this holiday. | |
| Pesach Pesach, celebrating our people’s liberation from slavery in Egypt through God’s redemptive power, is a major event on B’nai Shalom’s calendar. We begin on Shabbat ha Gadol, the Shabbat before Pesach, with a special Erev Shabbat congregational dinner and scholarly lecture. A comprehensive Pesach Guide, published annually, helps all members navigate the numerous mitzvot, customs, and special events that enrich the deep spiritual experience of this Festival of Freedom. Prior to the holiday, Rabbi Tobin will act as agent for the selling of chametz. Contact Rabbi Tobin for the contract of sale. Just before the holiday, he will also supervise the kashering of silverware and serving pieces. Each year, B’nai Shalom hosts a Congregational Seder on the second night of the holiday, conducted by Rabbi Tobin. The Seder is educational, family-friendly, and inspiring – a warm, community-weaving event. | |
| Yom HaShoah Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day, is commemorated each year with a meaningful speaker or film related to the Holocaust. A memorial service follows the presentation. | |
| Lag BaOmer Lag B’Omer, the 33rd day of counting the Omer between Pesach and Shavuot, recalls the cessation of a plague that killed hundreds of Rabbi Akiva’s students in the second century. The day is a minor holiday, celebrated throughout the Jewish world – and at B’nai Shalom – with picnics, games and other family-oriented outdoor activities. | |
| Shavuot Shavuot, an agricultural festival celebrating the grain harvest and the first fruits in ancient Israel, came – after the Temple was destroyed – to commemorate the Covenant made at Sinai. At B’nai Shalom, we start the holiday with a cheesecake-fueled, late-night Tikkun Leyl Shavuot, at which Rabbi Tobin and other rabbis in the congregation and community, along with educators and learned congregants, lead study. Services on the first day are followed by a delicious dairy luncheon, sponsored by Sisterhood. Second-day Shavuot services include Yizkor. | |
| Tish’a B’Av Tisha b’Av, the fast day commemorating the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, is solemnly observed with the reading of Eicha (Lamentations) by members of the congregation. During the week prior to Tisha b’Av, Rabbi Tobin teaches relevant topics in Jewish history. In late afternoon on the day, congregants may gather for a film or discussion, and finish with a light “break-fast.” | |
| Rosh Hashana
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur help us start the new Jewish year with awareness of our relationship with God and with one another. We prepare for the High Holidays with Selichot services on the Saturday evening before Rosh Hashanah. Rabbi Robert Tobin and a professional cantor lead inspiring High Holiday services in Maron Hall. Concurrently, an engaging Family Service in Gruhin Sanctuary incorporates old and new melodies as well as stories meaningful to young and old alike. Children’s activities – prayer, song, stories, and Torah drama – are scheduled each day. A family Tashlich ceremony at 12:30 PM on the first day of Rosh Hashanah concludes our children’s program for that day. Later that afternoon, Rabbi Tobin leads the congregation to the brook next to B’nai Shalom’s campus for a full Tashlich service and symbolic letting go of sins. Yizkor services are held on Yom Kippur morning, and on the other three pilgrimage holidays – Pesach, Shavuot, and Sukkot. Yizkor is always accompanied by a moving sermon and private time for prayer. Yom Kippur concludes after the Ne’ilah service with the bimah filled with children holding their shofars, as they join Rabbi Tobin in blowing Tekiah Gedolah. | |
| Yom Kippur
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur help us start the new Jewish year with awareness of our relationship with God and with one another. We prepare for the High Holidays with Selichot services on the Saturday evening before Rosh Hashanah. Rabbi Robert Tobin and a professional cantor lead inspiring High Holiday services in Maron Hall. Concurrently, an engaging Family Service in Gruhin Sanctuary incorporates old and new melodies as well as stories meaningful to young and old alike. Children’s activities – prayer, song, stories, and Torah drama – are scheduled each day. A family Tashlich ceremony at 12:30 PM on the first day of Rosh Hashanah concludes our children’s program for that day. Later that afternoon, Rabbi Tobin leads the congregation to the brook next to B’nai Shalom’s campus for a full Tashlich service and symbolic letting go of sins. Yizkor services are held on Yom Kippur morning, and on the other three pilgrimage holidays – Pesach, Shavuot, and Sukkot. Yizkor is always accompanied by a moving sermon and private time for prayer. Yom Kippur concludes after the Ne’ilah service with the bimah filled with children holding their shofars, as they join Rabbi Tobin in blowing Tekiah Gedolah. | |
| Sukkot
Sukkot, a symbolically rich harvest festival recalls the long years during which the tribes of Israel lived in impermanent shelter in the wilderness. This festival’s observances date back to Talmudic and even earlier times. Lulav and Etrog sets may be ordered through the Synagogue Office. Contact Gary Rothschild for the order form. A grand sukkah stands adjacent to the Gruhin Sanctuary. We hold many events there during Hol ha Moed, including a Congregational Supper, the Men’s Club’s “Scotch in the Sukkah,” and Sisterhood’s Sukkot Luncheon. | |
| Shmini Atzeret Shemini Atzeret concludes the autumn holiday cycle. On Shemini Atzeret, we pray for the winter rains that prepare the earth for planting in Israel. This ceaseless cycles remind us that there is no end to the seasons or to the Torah. Shemini Atzeret services include Yizkor. | |
| Simchat Torah Simchat Torah concludes the autumn holiday cycle. On Simchat Torah, we read the last portion in the Torah and immediately begin the cycle of readings again. This ceaseless cycles remind us that there is no end to the seasons or to the Torah. Simchat Torah at B’nai Shalom is a holiday for song and dance. In the evening, everyone participates in processions with our many beautiful Torah scrolls. The following morning, the hakafot continue, outdoors if weather permits. Our celebration concludes with a festive, member-sponsored luncheon. | |
| Chanukah Chanukahcelebrates both the Maccabees’ fight for religious freedom and the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after the battle was won. Candles are lit during services on Chanukah, using both B’nai Shalom’s magnificent silver chanukiah and our contemporary outdoor menorah facing Pleasant Valley Way. And each year, we celebrate together with a holiday dinner and family entertainment. |
Birth
At B’nai Shalom, we cherish the opportunity to welcome newborns into our community, and invite you to celebrate their naming in our Sanctuary.
Baby Naming
Jewish families follow different customs in selecting Hebrew names.
- Families of Central or Eastern European (Ashkenazi) heritage typically name a child after a deceased relative whom they held in high esteem.
- Families of Spanish or Middle-Eastern (Sephardic) heritage often name a child after a grandparent, either living or deceased.
Brit Milah (Bris) and Simchat Bat
Brit milah and simchat bat are joyous occasions to introduce your brand new member of the Jewish community to friends and family.
Jewish boys have a brit milah (circumcision) eight days after birth, generally at home. The ceremony, physically marking your son as a Jew, is performed by a mohel, a professional trained in this procedure and the rituals it entails.
Sometimes, prematurity or other health considerations require delay. Rabbi Tobin is always available to counsel families in these circ*mstances.
While there are no formal rituals for baby girls, many families host a simchat bat to name their daughters in the Sanctuary. We encourage families to arrange this simcha within the first several weeks of life.
We will be thrilled to welcome and watch your child grow and flourish. After a birth, please call Rabbi Tobin at 973-731-0160 to let us know how everyone is doing.
Adoption
Some families adopt a child of non-Jewish birth. Rabbi Tobin will gladly meet with you to discuss your family’s plan and to help you arrange an infant- or young-child-conversion to formalize your dedication to raising your child as a member of the Jewish people.
We also invite you to explore the resources on this topic in B’nai Shalom’s Sylvia and Buddy Edelman Library.
Bat and Bar Mitzvah
This important and happy milestone celebrates your child’s commitment and achievement:
- Preparation with Rabbi Tobin and Rena Casser
- The ability to chant a Torah portion and Haftarah, as well as to lead some portion of the service
- A d’var Torah (brief teaching), demonstrating serious consideration of the Torah portion and related Jewish values
The day marks the beginning of your child’s participation as a responsible member of the Jewish community, and our entire B’nai Shalom community rejoices with you, your family, and guests.
B’nai Shalom fully supports each Bat or Bar Mitzvah. The day is not shared. It is uniquely your child’s day, and we are sensitive to the capability of each and every child. Our school’s high preparation standards, and personal care and concern, result in confident students who shine proudly, however much of the service they master.
Rabbi Tobin and Religious School principal Rena Casser are ready to help you and your child; as is Gary Rothschild, Director of Synagogue Operations, who can help you consider event logistics and how best to utilize B’nai Shalom’s facilities. We look forward to working with you to make this event meaningful and memorable for your child and family.
We welcome interfaith families to participate in all life cycle events.
We also welcome unaffiliated members of the larger community to contact us to arrange a joyous celebration of Bar or Bat Mitzvah in our community. For more information, please speak with Rabbi Tobin.
Weddings
As a bride and groom pledge “Ani l’dodi, v’dodi li” (I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine), their declaration to family and community marks the start of a new life of love and commitment.
B’nai Shalom will greet news of your simcha with joy, and will celebrate with spirit whatever part of your festivities you choose to share with our community.
Auf Ruf
An Auf Ruf (calling up) is a communal acknowledgement of your forthcoming wedding. The chatan (groom-to-be) and kallah (bride-to-be) are called to the Torah for an aliyah under our congregational chuppah. Following your aliyah, Rabbi Tobin will offer reflections and a blessing, and the congregation – singing Siman Tov u Mazal Tov—will shower your with candies symbolizing the sweetness of your union.
To schedule an Auf Ruf ceremony, please contact the synagogue office at 973-731-0160.
Rabbi Tobin’s Participation
Rabbi Tobin welcomes the opportunity to officiate at your wedding, either at B’nai Shalom or in another venue. Please note that Jewish tradition limits the time a service may begin on Saturday evening, and excludes certain days in the spring and summer. Please contact Rabbi Tobin before setting the date and time of your ceremony.
Wedding Counseling
To ensure that your wedding is as personal and meaningful as possible, Rabbi Tobin asks every couple planning marriage to schedule at least three one-hour conversations in person or via Skype to work through the details of the ceremony. These conversations also help the rabbi get to know you as a couple as he helps you anticipate the Jewish home and life you will make together.
Your Ceremony and Party
B’nai Shalom’s Gruhin Sanctuary is a beautiful setting for a wedding ceremony, and our distinctive Legow Loggia and spacious Maron Hall are perfect for a co*cktail reception and dinner with dancing. We have worked with many caterers and event designers, and welcome the opportunity to discuss in detail how our facilities can enhance your simcha.
Death and Mourning
Loss of a loved one is very hard, and the B’nai Shalom community extends every effort to ensure that you will be supported and not alone. Often, Rabbi Tobin will be aware of your loved one’s illness for some time, and will have been deeply involved in pastoral care.
Please call the synagogue office when a death occurs to speak with Rabbi Tobin about your family’s needs, funeral plans and the schedule for shiva. Typically, we share the shiva schedule with the congregation, so that a minyan gathered in your home can offer the comfort of a caring community.
Rabbi Tobin’s guidance for families in mourning, and his participation in funerals and the unveilings that are scheduled a year later, is one of the most sacred and important of his rabbinic and pastoral commitments.
Jewish Memorial Chapel
B’nai Shalom is one of 23 non-profit organizational members of the Jewish Memorial Chapel at 841 Allwood Road in Clifton, NJ. The Chapel’s mission is to provide affordable, traditional Jewish funerals for the local community. It is the first and one of only a handful of nonprofit Jewish funeral homes in the United States. In order to become a member of the Chapel, an organization must own burial grounds at a Jewish cemetery. The funerals are arranged and conducted with dignity and in strict compliance with halacha (Jewish law) by professional, licensed funeral directors. At the end of the fiscal year, excess Chapel earnings are returned to the community through contributions to charities providing education, health care, or care of the elderly.
Click here for directions.
For more information, contact B’nai Shalom’s delegates, Dr. Charles Kurtzer and Tom Phon at memorialchapel@bnaishalom.net, or go to the Chapel’s website: www.JewishMemorialChapel.org.
You can also call the Chapel directly at 973-779-3048.
While there is no obligation for B’nai Shalom members to use this or any other Chapel, our membership in it is one benefit of being part of the B’nai Shalom community.
Cemetery
Judaism teaches reverence for life and respect for our loved ones after death. Cemetery plots may be obtained through our congregation at King Solomon Memorial Park in Clifton, NJ. Our synagogue office uses mapping simulation technology to help you preview available plot locations. For additional information, please contact director@bnaishalom.net.
Yahrzeit Converter
The anniversary of the death of a close loved one is commemorated by lighting a yahrzeit candle and coming to synagogue to recite Kaddish. B’nai Shalom will send you a notice of the date of the yahrzeits you observe.
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